How to suck at surfing, an easy to follow guide

poo stance

I have a profound and shocking confession to make.  I have been a kook for a very long time.  Even after surfing for so many years, I still manage to get-my-kook-on.  My first few years of surfing saw me doing the knees and elbows on the board crawl up style of popup.  Later I championed the poo stance and the pearl.  These days I’m only marginally better, and it doesn’t really count as a surf session unless I’ve had a good over the falls.  So I consider myself highly qualified to write a guide on how to be a kook….

  • Always surf the same break

Surfing different breaks is confusing and it forces you to fine-tune your skills and be alert to different wave shapes.  Much better to stick to what you know.

  • Always ride the same board

I recommend a 6’8 fish.   Nice and reliable and predictable – what else could a girl want?  It will cope well with Summer’s mushy small waves and Winter’s fast barreling ones.

  • Don’t try any waves that may be outside of your comfort zone

You are risking humiliation and that’s not good for the ego.  Only paddle for waves that you’re a dead cert for.  Late drops and surfing close to the pocket should not be part of your repertoire.  Take off on the shoulder and just trim it baby.

  • Don’t think outside the box

Don’t waste your time with extra-curricular activities to improve your surfing.  Stretching is boring, cross fit is hard, and you could strain your ankle with skateboarding.

  • Never allow yourself to be videoed surfing

Oh the shame!  Who wants to know that their stance sucks, or that they’re looking down, or that they’re not rotating their upper body enough?  Much better to stay deluded and in the dark.

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