In life I have only ever made 3 promises to myself … 1) I mustn’t drink my mum’s Christmas Disaronno because it can cause huge problems if it runs out when the shops are shut, 2) I will never ever again get my vagina waxed, and finally 3) I will try very hard not to do the poo stance when I am surfing….
The much maligned poo stance is surfing’s biggest style killer. It makes the surfer look like they are trying to sh*t bricks. Not only does it look bad, it’s also highly non-functional. You won’t be able to do turns or manoeuvres. You’ll be stuck forever in the frustrating land of non-improvement. I know. I went there.
So how can you overcome the dreaded poo stance if you think you are a perpetrator? Here are my top tips….
- The best advice anyone gave me was “Push the bush”. For some reason it stuck in my head. It became my surfing mantra. Basically it means tucking the pelvis under and forward. People who do pilates are usually familiar with this movement. Or just think of John Travolta thrusting his hips forward in Saturday Night Fever. Pushing the bush helps to keep the weight centred over the stringer of the board and it will make you engage your thigh muscles more
- “Squeeze the watermelon”. You want your knees to be tracking in towards each other, like that first stop you learn in skiing, the snow plough. If your knees are pointing apart it will make you stick your bootie out. You don’t want your knees to be touching though, because that would be the “shy virgin stance”. Waves are not Catholic so it’s okay to have some space in between your knees. In fact what you need is some space the size of a watermelon in between your knees, and then you need to squeeze that watermelon
- “Squeeze the thong”. Imagine that you are wearing a sexy thong bikini and you need to squeeze that sweet ass of yours. Contracting the glutes will help you to engage your core properly
- “Serve the mojitos”. You don’t want both hands on the same side of the surfboard. This will force you to counterbalance by sticking your butt out. Instead put one hand over the right rail, and one hand over the left rail. Position the arms in front of your body, like a Neanderthal. Or you can think of it is as the “serving the mojitos” stance because it’s like you’re holding a big tray of mojitos. Everyone loves a mojito!
- Often the root cause of poo stance can come from poor foot positioning. If you suffer from ‘frontfootitus’ where the front foot isn’t centred on the stringer, then you are likely to go into poo stance to try to compensate for this. Make a big effort to get the feet slap bang on the stringer
- Get your surfing videoed. If you’re bending too much from the waist and your head is level with your hips then you know you need a stance overhaul.
I hope this is useful if you’re battling poo stance. You could also enroll the help of your friends. They can shout helpful comments at you whilst you’re on the wave, such as “GET OFF THE TOILET … STOP POOING … YOU STINK!!”